ianmoyes.uk welcome to my website check out my photographs
The Grudge On 2 April 1983 Carole and I married. Just ten weeks earlier on the 26 January Carole’s Dad had passed away after being ill for nearly three months, so we were all a little sad to say the least. However, Carole’s mum insisted we carry on with the wedding because Jimmy (her dad) had known all about our plans to marry on that date. Unknown to me until 2017, that day was to be the start of a 38-year grudge against me. However, I should point out that a number of other people made remarks that day that I could very easily have held a grudge over, but I chose not to tell anyone about them - not even Carole until we had been married for ten years. The 2 April 1983 started off as any other wedding day does with a bit of a panic that we would not get everything done in time. We had to collect flowers, pick up my Best Man and our ushers and take them to Carole’s home in Amble – the next town to the village of Warkworth where we were to be married and where we now live. The morning flew by as we were all getting ready for the wedding. My Mum and Dad were going straight to the United Reform Church where we to be married along with David my son from my first marriage. I arrived at the church with my best man Chris and had the customary photographs taken with him and then I went into the church to take my place at the top of the aisle awaiting my bride. As the music changed to ‘Here comes the Bride’ I turned to see Carole looking radiant at church entrance on the arm of her Uncle Tommy, I felt a tap on my arm when I turned it was my Mum and I couldn’t quite believe it when she said to me “there’s still time to change your mind you know”. I was so shocked I simply said “no thanks”. This was the first of the three comments to be made that afternoon. I tried to put her comment out of my mind and we were married and everyone when went outside to have photographs taken. As we kissed each other, my mum again turned around and told us to stop it and that there would be plenty of time later for that sort of thing! Once the photographs were all taken it began to snow but luckily it did not lie, and we headed off to the Hermitage in Warkworth for our reception. We had more photographs taken here and once the photographer had everything he needed we took our places at the entrance to the room where our meal was to be served. It was while we were standing greeting out guests and receiving some presents that I overheard my mum, (standing talking with her youngest brother) say to him “I give it six months before one or the other or both go off with other people”, he agreed with her (this was even though we had been together for almost two years at this point). I also kept this to myself I never told anyone of it especially Carole until many years later. After we had had our meal and the speeches started, it was soon my turn. I started off by thanking our two mothers, my best man, and our ushers for their help in making the day special for us. I then said, “I now have another new mum who I would like to thank for welcoming me into her family”. My mother-in-law had recently been widowed and it meant a lot to myself and Carole that she had supported us to continue with our original wedding plans. Everyone was smiling at my comment, apart from my mum who for some reason took it to heart and, as I later discovered, never forgave me. Over the next sixteen years she took every opportunity to throw this comment back in my face. Things came to a head on the 3 December 1999 when she did it again, but only this time she also told me “to get out of her bloody house and not come back” which I duly did while my Dad held the door open for me as Ieft. He later claimed he was oblivious to what she had told me to do. For the first few years after that we exchanged Birthday, Mother’s Day and Christmas cards and presents until one Christmas when she did not bother sending anything - not even to our daughter Victoria. We sadly concluded that they did not want to hear from us any more and then two months later in 2005 I received a letter from her asking me to return their house keys, which I did by registered post. Time passed by and I honestly thought that they would have both realised what they were doing and what they were missing, but no, they both took the grudge to their graves and beyond (wherever that might be!) As my mum died first (in October 2016), I was allowed to attend her funeral. My dad said he wanted a reconciliation after her funeral however it did not last long and in fact it only lasted from the October2016 through to February 2017. We had several brief meetings in his favourite pub in Newcastle and things seemed quite cordial however in December 2016 he invited us to his house and proceeded to lay into me verbally about all the wrongs he perceived I had done to him and my mother over the years. I gave him back as good as he gave me, and I truly believed we had turned a corner as everything had been talked out at long last. In February 2017 I arranged to meet with him in his favourite pub in Newcastle city centre. This time he did not let me get a drink before he turned to me and told me that he could not forgive me, and he went on to say that he did not want me as a member of his family and that he did not want anything to do with my family. I could not believe what I was hearing – taking his temper out on me I can perhaps understand but how could he continue to hold their grudge against their grand-daughter and their two great grandsons I do not know. On Monday 22 March 2021 (his 92nd birthday), I learned he had passed away – he died alone, and no one had noticed he was missing for two weeks. I honestly don’t know how to feel about this, but to add insult to injury I have now discovered that he left strict instructions for me to be barred from his funeral, forbidden from entering his house (which was once my home too), and presumably left me, his grand-daughter and his two great grandsons out of his will. I suppose I should feel sad as he had a sad and lonely end to his life and especially because it was filled with such bitterness and hatred towards me. I hope you can Rest In Peace Dad.
ianmoyes .uk welcome to my website check out my photographs
The Grudge On 2 April 1983 Carole and I married. Just ten weeks earlier on the 26 January Carole’s Dad had passed away after being ill for nearly three months, so we were all a little sad to say the least. However, Carole’s mum insisted we carry on with the wedding because Jimmy (her dad) had known all about our plans to marry on that date. Unknown to me until 2017, that day was to be the start of a 38-year grudge against me. However, I should point out that a number of other people made remarks that day that I could very easily have held a grudge over, but I chose not to tell anyone about them - not even Carole until we had been married for ten years. The 2 April 1983 started off as any other wedding day does with a bit of a panic that we would not get everything done in time. We had to collect flowers, pick up my Best Man and our ushers and take them to Carole’s home in Amble – the next town to the village of Warkworth where we were to be married and where we now live. The morning flew by as we were all getting ready for the wedding. My Mum and Dad were going straight to the United Reform Church where we to be married along with David my son from my first marriage. I arrived at the church with my best man Chris and had the customary photographs taken with him and then I went into the church to take my place at the top of the aisle awaiting my bride. As the music changed to ‘Here comes the Bride’ I turned to see Carole looking radiant at church entrance on the arm of her Uncle Tommy, I felt a tap on my arm when I turned it was my Mum and I couldn’t quite believe it when she said to me “there’s still time to change your mind you know”. I was so shocked I simply said “no thanks”. This was the first of the three comments to be made that afternoon. I tried to put her comment out of my mind and we were married and everyone when went outside to have photographs taken. As we kissed each other, my mum again turned around and told us to stop it and that there would be plenty of time later for that sort of thing! Once the photographs were all taken it began to snow but luckily it did not lie, and we headed off to the Hermitage in Warkworth for our reception. We had more photographs taken here and once the photographer had everything he needed we took our places at the entrance to the room where our meal was to be served. It was while we were standing greeting out guests and receiving some presents that I overheard my mum, (standing talking with her youngest brother) say to him “I give it six months before one or the other or both go off with other people”, he agreed with her (this was even though we had been together for almost two years at this point). I also kept this to myself I never told anyone of it especially Carole until many years later. After we had had our meal and the speeches started, it was soon my turn. I started off by thanking our two mothers, my best man, and our ushers for their help in making the day special for us. I then said, “I now have another new mum who I would like to thank for welcoming me into her family”. My mother-in-law had recently been widowed and it meant a lot to myself and Carole that she had supported us to continue with our original wedding plans. Everyone was smiling at my comment, apart from my mum who for some reason took it to heart and, as I later discovered, never forgave me. Over the next sixteen years she took every opportunity to throw this comment back in my face. Things came to a head on the 3 December 1999 when she did it again, but only this time she also told me “to get out of her bloody house and not come back” which I duly did while my Dad held the door open for me as Ieft. He later claimed he was oblivious to what she had told me to do. For the first few years after that we exchanged Birthday, Mother’s Day and Christmas cards and presents until one Christmas when she did not bother sending anything - not even to our daughter Victoria. We sadly concluded that they did not want to hear from us any more and then two months later in 2005 I received a letter from her asking me to return their house keys, which I did by registered post. Time passed by and I honestly thought that they would have both realised what they were doing and what they were missing, but no, they both took the grudge to their graves and beyond (wherever that might be!) As my mum died first (in October 2016), I was allowed to attend her funeral. My dad said he wanted a reconciliation after her funeral however it did not last long and in fact it only lasted from the October2016 through to February 2017. We had several brief meetings in his favourite pub in Newcastle and things seemed quite cordial however in December 2016 he invited us to his house and proceeded to lay into me verbally about all the wrongs he perceived I had done to him and my mother over the years. I gave him back as good as he gave me, and I truly believed we had turned a corner as everything had been talked out at long last. In February 2017 I arranged to meet with him in his favourite pub in Newcastle city centre. This time he did not let me get a drink before he turned to me and told me that he could not forgive me, and he went on to say that he did not want me as a member of his family and that he did not want anything to do with my family. I could not believe what I was hearing – taking his temper out on me I can perhaps understand but how could he continue to hold their grudge against their grand-daughter and their two great grandsons I do not know. On Monday 22 March 2021 (his 92nd birthday), I learned he had passed away – he died alone, and no one had noticed he was missing for two weeks. I honestly don’t know how to feel about this, but to add insult to injury I have now discovered that he left strict instructions for me to be barred from his funeral, forbidden from entering his house (which was once my home too), and presumably left me, his grand-daughter and his two great grandsons out of his will. I suppose I should feel sad as he had a sad and lonely end to his life and especially because it was filled with such bitterness and hatred towards me. I hope you can Rest In Peace Dad.