welcome to my
check out my
On 2 April 1983 Carole and I married. Just ten weeks earlier on the 26
January Carole’s Dad had passed away after being ill for nearly three
months, so we were all a little sad to say the least. However, Carole’s
mum insisted we carry on with the wedding because Jimmy (her dad)
had known all about our plans to marry on that date.
Unknown to me until 2017, that day was to be the start of a 38-year
grudge against me. However, I should point out that a number of other
people made remarks that day that I could very easily have held a
grudge over, but I chose not to tell anyone about them - not even
Carole until we had been married for ten years.
The 2 April 1983 started off as any other wedding day does with a bit of
a panic that we would not get everything done in time. We had to
collect flowers, pick up my Best Man and our ushers and take them to
Carole’s home in Amble – the next town to the village of Warkworth
where we were to be married and where we now live.
The morning flew by as we were all getting ready for the wedding. My
Mum and Dad were going straight to the United Reform Church where
we to be married along with David my son from my first marriage. I
arrived at the church with my best man Chris and had the customary
photographs taken with him and then I went into the church to take my
place at the top of the aisle awaiting my bride.
As the music changed to ‘Here comes the Bride’ I turned to see Carole
looking radiant at church entrance on the arm of her Uncle Tommy, I
felt a tap on my arm when I turned it was my Mum and I couldn’t quite
believe it when she said to me “there’s still time to change your mind
you know”. I was so shocked I simply said “no thanks”.
This was the first of the three comments to be made that afternoon.
I tried to put her comment out of my mind and we were married and
everyone when went outside to have photographs taken. As we kissed
each other, my mum again turned around and told us to stop it and
that there would be plenty of time later for that sort of thing!
Once the photographs were all taken it began to snow but luckily it did
not lie, and we headed off to the Hermitage in Warkworth for our
reception. We had more photographs taken here and once the
photographer had everything he needed we took our places at the
entrance to the room where our meal was to be served.
It was while we were standing greeting out guests and receiving some
presents that I overheard my mum, (standing talking with her youngest
brother) say to him “I give it six months before one or the other or both
go off with other people”, he agreed with her (this was even though we
had been together for almost two years at this point).
I also kept this to myself I never told anyone of it especially Carole until
many years later.
After we had had our meal and the speeches started, it was soon my
turn. I started off by thanking our two mothers, my best man, and our
ushers for their help in making the day special for us. I then said, “I now
have another new mum who I would like to thank for welcoming me
into her family”. My mother-in-law had recently been widowed and it
meant a lot to myself and Carole that she had supported us to continue
with our original wedding plans.
Everyone was smiling at my comment, apart from my mum who for
some reason took it to heart and, as I later discovered, never forgave
Over the next sixteen years she took every opportunity to throw this
comment back in my face. Things came to a head on the 3 December
1999 when she did it again, but only this time she also told me “to get
out of her bloody house and not come back” which I duly did while my
Dad held the door open for me as Ieft. He later claimed he was
oblivious to what she had told me to do.
For the first few years after that we exchanged Birthday, Mother’s Day
and Christmas cards and presents until one Christmas when she did not
bother sending anything - not even to our daughter Victoria. We sadly
concluded that they did not want to hear from us any more and then
two months later in 2005 I received a letter from her asking me to
return their house keys, which I did by registered post.
Time passed by and I honestly thought that they would have both
realised what they were doing and what they were missing, but no, they
both took the grudge to their graves and beyond (wherever that might
As my mum died first (in October 2016), I was allowed to attend her
funeral. My dad said he wanted a reconciliation after her funeral
however it did not last long and in fact it only lasted from the
October2016 through to February 2017. We had several brief meetings
in his favourite pub in Newcastle and things seemed quite cordial
however in December 2016 he invited us to his house and proceeded to
lay into me verbally about all the wrongs he perceived I had done to
him and my mother over the years. I gave him back as good as he gave
me, and I truly believed we had turned a corner as everything had been
talked out at long last.
In February 2017 I arranged to meet with him in his favourite pub in
Newcastle city centre. This time he did not let me get a drink before he
turned to me and told me that he could not forgive me, and he went on
to say that he did not want me as a member of his family and that he
did not want anything to do with my family.
I could not believe what I was hearing – taking his temper out on me I
can perhaps understand but how could he continue to hold their
grudge against their grand-daughter and their two great grandsons I do
On Monday 22 March 2021 (his 92nd birthday), I learned he had passed
away – he died alone, and no one had noticed he was missing for two
weeks. I honestly don’t know how to feel about this, but to add insult to
injury I have now discovered that he left strict instructions for me to be
barred from his funeral, forbidden from entering his house (which was
once my home too), and presumably left me, his grand-daughter and
his two great grandsons out of his will.
I suppose I should feel sad as he had a sad and lonely end to his life and
especially because it was filled with such bitterness and hatred towards
I hope you can Rest In Peace Dad.